Where has all the time gone?

It’s been a long time.

It’s been years.

Out of the blue, I remembered this old blog. I decided to look it up. It feels rather strange. How much I’ve changed over three short years.

I’ve gone from being a fairly smart, hopeful young woman to… nothing.

All my hopes and dreams of my youth were never realised. I never got a career in psychology. I never made it to work in a zoo. I ended up in a dreaded office job, earning a pittance. I live in a shared house, and have few people in my life I can truly call friend.

I guess I can see why this happened.

My depression, which I now know I’ve had since childhood, snuck up on me like the sneakiest little sneaker and took full hold of my life. It doesn’t help that I discovered a lot of my problems stem from what I realised to be an abusive childhood. Funny how you never realise you’re abused until you’re away from it all.

A lot has happened over these last few years. I got my current job. I joined a gym. I started working with a personal trainer. I failed at everything workout related. Still going though. I got kicked out of my home. I gained a scary amount of weight. I became an alcoholic. My dog died. My mother died.

I’m pretty much alone. I’ve got no one I can really turn to. It’s a horrible feeling.

But you know what?

I’m taking steps to make my life better. There’s not much for me to look forward to, I admit. But I’m working on getting better. I’m back into my firebreathing. I’m writing more. I’m trying to stay positive. I’m hoping, with my inheritance, I can get a little place of my own.

I’m hoping I can finally turn my back on all those who let me down, who stabbed me in the back, who pushed me over when I was losing my balance.

I’m hoping this time next year, I’ll have made a difference.

I’m hoping.